oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
