I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So apparently I’m into choking now
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