I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
