I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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