Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
