Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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