Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
