shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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