My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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