So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
