i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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