I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
