She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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