dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Randomize
