Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
