I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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