OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
