I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
