k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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