I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
