He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
