Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
