Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
