Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
