So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
