Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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