She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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