i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
