just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
