You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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