Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
