i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i out mim tonsoeep
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