allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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