you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
