so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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