dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have demons in me.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
