I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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