You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
