My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
