a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
