Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
