sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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