I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
