Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
