I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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