My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had sex on a dog bed..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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