I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
