I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
