If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
