You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
